Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Today . . . We Remember!

Today my sons and daughter and I will snuggle. We will snuggle in our great big bed that sits in front of our great big TV (both gifts to us right after Chad died) . . . it has been our place of refuge. In the days of the phone ringing 24/7 and the doorbell never ceasing to ring with folks eager to support and uplift us . . . .in the days of the loneliness when reality set in and it was clear that daddy truly was gone . . . in the days of figuring out that we, indeed, ARE moving forward . . . this has been our place of refuge. It has been where we have snuggled and wept, held one another in the moments when there was absolutely nothing to say because words could not begin to capture the depth of the emotion. It has also become a place of joy as we have traversed the waters of becoming a new family with a new normal. We have laughed in this bed. We have wept in this bed. For months and months and months my baby would cling to me each and every night as we slept in this bed. I would awake to Micah’s head buried in my chest . . . where he could hear my heartbeat. His daddy’s heart quit working, you know? I believe it was his security to hear my heart ticking deep within me. Night after night he would cling to me and bury his head there. Night after night we would snuggle, and hold, and trust that tomorrow would be a new day . . . a better day. Many women have held me in this bed. Many have prayed over me in this bed. Many . . . have wept themselves.

Today . . . we will snuggle . . . and smile . . . and laugh . . . and, yes, I’m sure cry. Today . . . we will remember from this bed.

Today . . . we will watch ALL of the home videos that I had put to DVD so that my baby could hear his daddy’s voice (please read my blog from ) Today . . . Micah will see his daddy. He will remember his hands, his smile,his eyes. He will see how tall and strong his daddy was. He will remember the hugs . . . many, many hugs from his daddy. He will remember fishing, and playing, and how goofy his daddy was. Today, we will all be taken back . . . to daddy. We will remember a time when we felt whole. When life was simple. When we thought we knew the answers and were happy that way.

The past two days have been spent boxing Chad up. Packing the house, and with it . . . Chad. The wonderful news is . . . you cannot pack up a memory . . . and so, we take daddy with us where we go.

The good news is . . . today . . . those memories will become larger than life.

Today . . . Micah will hear his daddy.

Today . . . we remember!