Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Today . . . We Remember!

Today my sons and daughter and I will snuggle. We will snuggle in our great big bed that sits in front of our great big TV (both gifts to us right after Chad died) . . . it has been our place of refuge. In the days of the phone ringing 24/7 and the doorbell never ceasing to ring with folks eager to support and uplift us . . . .in the days of the loneliness when reality set in and it was clear that daddy truly was gone . . . in the days of figuring out that we, indeed, ARE moving forward . . . this has been our place of refuge. It has been where we have snuggled and wept, held one another in the moments when there was absolutely nothing to say because words could not begin to capture the depth of the emotion. It has also become a place of joy as we have traversed the waters of becoming a new family with a new normal. We have laughed in this bed. We have wept in this bed. For months and months and months my baby would cling to me each and every night as we slept in this bed. I would awake to Micah’s head buried in my chest . . . where he could hear my heartbeat. His daddy’s heart quit working, you know? I believe it was his security to hear my heart ticking deep within me. Night after night he would cling to me and bury his head there. Night after night we would snuggle, and hold, and trust that tomorrow would be a new day . . . a better day. Many women have held me in this bed. Many have prayed over me in this bed. Many . . . have wept themselves.

Today . . . we will snuggle . . . and smile . . . and laugh . . . and, yes, I’m sure cry. Today . . . we will remember from this bed.

Today . . . we will watch ALL of the home videos that I had put to DVD so that my baby could hear his daddy’s voice (please read my blog from ) Today . . . Micah will see his daddy. He will remember his hands, his smile,his eyes. He will see how tall and strong his daddy was. He will remember the hugs . . . many, many hugs from his daddy. He will remember fishing, and playing, and how goofy his daddy was. Today, we will all be taken back . . . to daddy. We will remember a time when we felt whole. When life was simple. When we thought we knew the answers and were happy that way.

The past two days have been spent boxing Chad up. Packing the house, and with it . . . Chad. The wonderful news is . . . you cannot pack up a memory . . . and so, we take daddy with us where we go.

The good news is . . . today . . . those memories will become larger than life.

Today . . . Micah will hear his daddy.

Today . . . we remember!


Beth said...

WOW!!!!! Crying at work....Thinking of you all today. ♥ hugs ♥

Cherrie said...

A beautiful post!

Carrie B said...

My mind is flooded with memories of Chad.

I wish I could take them and burn them to a DVD so I would never forget them.

I see his face smiling as he walks in the front door in his police uniform and plop himself down on a wooden chair.

At dinner time I hear him ask “what was the best part of your day?”

He is curled up in a ball on the floor because there is a socially awkward moment happening during the small group after glow and he just can’t handle it anymore!

He excuses himself from a euchre game to speak words of encouragement to someone on the other end of the phone.

I pull in your driveway and I watch him unload the van from the “end of the summer camping trip” that he and Noah had just got back from.

I hear him tell Abigayle what an awesome job she has done sewing him a Christmas stocking

He is gently comforting Micah on the couch at Grandma’s because his precious frog that he had been playing with (actually torturing) all day has accidently fallen into the fire pit. Micah has just fallen asleep in his arms.

Countless time he and Michael left for coffee.

Godly wisdom spoken into our marriage.

Our peel and stick kitchen floor.

Our door frame :)

Our son.

My mind is flooded with memories of Chad.

Today...I remember!

Anonymous said...

Sarah, I have been so moved by your writings here. Seldom do I read an entry and not end up in tears with you. Your honesty and transparency is cathartic not just for you, but somehow for the reader as well, as we realize that we are not the only ones with struggles, and are reminded of God's love and faithfulness as we walk through the trials and troubles of life.

Thanks for sharing, and may God bless you as you begin a brand new chapter in your life.

Paula S said...

Carrie, Thank you for your comment to this post. I loved it, and let my mind wander as well through my memories of Chad. I've missed him a lot this past month or so. He was a wonderful, wonderful man. Great friend.
One of my favorite memories....Chad picking up the phone when I'd call....we'd catch up, and then he'd say "Do you want to talk with my beautiful bride?" :)
Another memory is Chad in his police uniform, stopping in on his lunch break...
Chad with my kids when they were much younger; giving good advice, sharing love, encouragement and words of wisdom.
Chad was such a kind, strong, gentle man...
We who called him "friend" were blessed.

Jennie said...

I am so glad that you have the videos and the memories.

And congratulations!!!