Greetings Friends ~
At about 10:30 this morning, after doing a radio interview with a station in Port Huron, Michigan, I sat down and began a blog. It is now over 12 hours later, and I have barely had time to breathe today - much less finish the blog.
I do believe this is what record companies are for, but alas, I am an indie artist - so the grunt work all falls on me . . . and my wonderful girlfriends who are with me around the clock right now! They are helping me return e-mails (they are flooding in from people around the country who are being touched by Christmas in Heaven), fill the constant stream of orders, answer the phone which is ringing off the hook with people wanting to stop in and pick some up or bookstores wondering if they can sell it, assisting with the many business details (like verifying bank accounts, e-mail programs that MAY NOT WORK when you need them too!!!!!!, etc .. ) . . .and the list can go on and on! These are truly SUCH WONDERFUL problems to have. I am very thankful.
What noone can help with is the fact that what I would really like to do is have the time to go curl up in my nice warm bed, clutching the flag that laid over Chad's casket and weep for my beloved whom I miss more than anyone could ever know. What noone can help with is the fact that at the end of all of this chaos and business that are my career going to new hieghts - my beloved is still dead and the reason that I get to sing this incredible song is because he is gone. What noone can help with is the fact that in the midst of all of this our hearts still break.
One of my children had a meltdown . . . absolute meltdown tonight! One came home sick today. One had a meltdown yesterday. We are dealing with some major issues, and there is no daddy here to help me. No partner to give me the perspective that I so desperately need right now. Noone to say 'Sarah, you are doing it right.' Well, that is not true . . . Marni and Christy and Missy all told me that today. But, I really want Chad to tell me that! I wish he was here. I need him! I want him! Sometimes I just don't know if I can do all this . . . And yet, in the midst of it all, as the tears stream down my face as I type this, I know that God is giving me a strength and a peace that truly come from Him!
Right when I need to know what to say as a parent . . . the words are there. Right when I need to make a decision as a business woman . . . the wisdom is there. At my weakest . . . the stregth wells up from inside. Right when I need a hand . . . someone is here to lend it. I just wish Chad was here.
Underlying everything . . . the excitement of hearing my song on the radio over and over and over . . . the thrill of seeing orders escalate day after day after day . . . the knowlege of knowing that today, and tomorrow, and the next day I will have the chance to be on both radio and television all across the country and encourage people that they CAN make it . . . underlying everything, my friend, is a constant thread of pain. A constant ache. A constant knowlege that this is our suffering being redeemed . . . even as the suffering continues.
I am thankful. God is good. God is faithful. I know and feel ALL of that tonight! I hold tight to Jesus and ask Him to PLEASE tell Chad I love him. . . and to please tell Chad how much we all miss him.
Blessings - and good night!
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9 comments:
Sarah, dear friend. May God hold you closely and comfort all of you at this time. Thanks for posting so that we can know what best to pray for. I am praying for all of you. With love, Paula
Praying for you!
Susan
Hi from Ohio!
I had a comment all typed up but it didn't post it, so lets try again.
I'm so happy that you are busy with Christmas in Heaven, but I wish I was there to help you out. I'm all yours when I get back into town on Sunday. I will help with whatever you need.
I'm having a great time in Youngstown. I've laughed many many times. But like you there have been times this week where I have wanted to curl up in our bed with Shawn's t-shirts and just cry my eyes out. I'm having fun with my frinds and their families, but it is harder being here for a whole week than I thought it was going to be. I don't know, maybe it is just the time of year. Today I was getting gas at the station next to our house and was bawling my eyes out. Silly I know, but the tears were just streaming down my face. Everywhere I go down here there are reminders of us. Some are making me smile, others are making me sad. Like you said you can be having a great time, but nobody or nothing can take away that constant empty ache that is in our heart and stomach.
I'm sorry the kids are having a hard time right now. Please tell them that I said "HI"
I'm sorry you are having a hard day as well. Please know that even though I'm 5 hours away I have thought about you and your family every day. I'm praying for you!
I haven't gotten to listen to Christmas in Heaven since I have been here. I miss hearing it. Christmas in Heaven is giving me so much comfort right now. It will be the first song I listen to when I get back into town.
When I get back I'm all yours. Whatever you need help with I will help you.
I miss you. Marni, and Collette and I missed our Starbucks this morning. I'm thinking about you and praying for you. See you soon!
Love,
Jenny
Sarah,
I wrote you of my similar plight a couple of nights ago.
One thing I learned - after hearing "God will not give you more than you can bear" one too many times. The flip side to that very true statement is: He will provide someone (or even develop in you) to get through what you think you can't bear. That is true for you... your kids... your family.
I continue to pray for you.
This morning someone emailed me and told me to listen to "Christmas in Heaven." I googled it (oh, the power of computer) and found the song and your blog. I know you are busy, but please know that your song touched my heart. Four months ago today, I lost my beautiful 9 year old son to cancer. This song has helped me - it hasn't filled the deep void that I feel, but it has given me comfort - thank you! God Bless you on this journey
dear sarah i love you so much and tell micah that i said hi.i love you so much i hope you have a great day .you are the best. love mary
dear sarah i wish i could give you a big hug riggt now i love you so much you are the best.my mom said that you did a wanderfull job. i am really looking forword of going skiing arnt you looking forword to. guese what happend today i mean the smorning sophie ate all my christmas candy . i am so happy that jesus made such a beautifull picture and that it was a beutiful picture that we are fainting and we could not go to school . i love you lets get together love mary
The Lord keeps bringing you to my mind. I'll continue to pray for you and your children.
I love your Christmas in Heaven my mom passed away 2 years ago from cancer 4 days before Christmas. My Christian friend sent me the song as she knows that healing and grieveing is a process and takes time. I can relate to how overwhelming single parenting can be as my husband is in the Canadian Forces he is a Police Officer and is posted overseas for a year. I just recently became a Christian this year so I still have lots of questions but I know that the one above is getting me through this. I couldnt have done this on my own...Just wanted to let you know of a wonderful book called The Shack written by a Canadian author William P. Young. It is worth reading if you have time...Good luck with your future and I look forward to hearing your music.. Your story is encouraging and I enjoyed reading it.
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