Today I weep. My beloved is gone. I miss him so deeply. There is nothing I can do. I cannot hear him, nor see him, nor touch him, nor talk to him. I would give anything to just have him for one moment. Oh, my heart breaks. The tears . . . the weeping.
It seems now that many days are good. There are days without weeping and I am thankful. But, when it hits it is still so deep and painful. I am writing the book outline and am getting to the weekend of the marathon. It is really difficult to relive it. I know that is why the tears come. How do I ever capture in word all that happened that weekend. How do I capture in word the emotion? How do I capture in word God’s unending faithfulness when my entire world had come crashing down?
I miss my beloved. Chad Michael – you were all my dreams come true. Thank you for your life and your love. Today I snuggled up next to Micah as I woke him up. His skin feels just like yours, Chad. There is so much of you living on in our babies. I snuggled him close and kissed that sweet, warm, skin. I told him that we weren’t planning to get pregnant when we did. I told him that he was a COMPLETE surprise . . . and one of the best surprises of my life. I told him that I can’t imagine life without him and that he reminds me so much of you. Honey, you would be so proud of our babies . . . they are such wonderful people! I know you see us! I know you must. Please show us signs of you today, Chad. Please! I need to see you today! I love you.